


No One Needs To Know

by amaterahelios



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: 501st Legion - Freeform, Awkward Friendship, Clone Troopers - Freeform, Clones, Clones being bros, Cute, Fluff and Humor, OOC Dogma?, Other, mention of masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6134260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaterahelios/pseuds/amaterahelios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fives sees Dogma doing something suspicious beneath a tree and he goes to investigate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Needs To Know

''What in the blazes are you doing down there Dogma? Break time’s up you know, we’ve got to clear up camp and keep moving!'' 

Fives raised a tired eyebrow as he let his gaze fall on the armoured back of the clone currently crouched down in front of him. It was night time and there was little light to see clearly in, but Fives could distinctly make out his subordinate’s shape as he scrambled upright, visibly flustered. The clone almost fell over as he did so, something quite comical for Dogma to do, and Fives almost snickered, but he decided it was better to rein it in this once. He was well aware how Dogma despised being made fun of in any way. 

''So?'' demanded Fives as Dogma approached him. ''Are you done with whatever you’ve been doing? Actually…what have you been doing? Didn’t look like you were taking a dump to me.''

Dogma stiffened as he halted right in front of Fives, bottom lip unconsciously clutched tightly between his teeth.

''It’s nothing sir. N-Nothing! I was just taking a look at the vegetation growing beneath this bioluminescent tree, that’s all.''

Fives rolled his eyes dramatically. He was so obviously lying. 

''And what’s so special about a clump of alien plants that you just needed to take a look at, huh? Dogma? Are you hiding something back there? Lemme see now, come on.''

''Oh no, sir! No, nothing. Nothing’s there. Everything’s fine. Fine, really.''

''Yeah well, why did you just throw something away behind your back just now? I saw that you know?''

Dogma remained silent, shrinking back defensively into a standard military posture. 

''Dogma? If you won’t say anything I’m just going to have to assume that you were…you know…whipping it out for a little wank.''

There was no reply, although Fives did notice that Dogma’s face had grown noticeably redder.

''It-it wasn’t anything of the sort sir'' mumbled Dogma, loud enough for Fives to make out. 

Fives sighed. 

''Then explain. Because I’m not relishing that image right now. And mind you, Rex won’t either. It’s something I’d have to tell him about, you know?''

Dogma burned a brighter shade of red at those words.

''Alright. Alright sir, I’m telling you. I wish I didn’t have to tell you, but as there is no choice, I’m going to have to tell you. But I insist that you mention this to no one, am I being clear?''

It’s probably something so lame coming from him, thought Fives. Despite being quite certain of that, he was now also rather intrigued by Dogma’s irrational amount of secrecy so he quickly acquiesced to his demand. 

Stroking his goatee in eager interest, Fives followed, as, without another word, his brother led him back to the luminescent, azure tree they had by then strayed slightly away from.  


''Well this is it'' sighed Dogma. ''See that opening at the base of the tree?'' He pointed at a hole Fives could see was only big enough for just one of his fists to go through. ''These ‘lil critters I’ve found live in these kind of holes all over this area of the planet.''

Dogma made a loud clicking noise with his tongue, and immediately a barrage of minuscule, puffy, ball shaped, blue creatures with pairs of fuzzy white antennas emerged out of the tree hole before their feet. They hopped and squeaked excitedly against Dogma’s lap as he crouched down again while continuing to make the same clicking sound at them. Fives couldn’t help but let slip a gentle smile across his ragged features. So this was stuffy, fastidious Dogma’s secret. He had made some little animal friends.

''I’ve noticed them around every time we set up camp, jumping around in the bushes, and squeaking in their shrill little voices. I thought they looked rather cute so I wanted to see if they were tame too, and as you can see with this bunch over here, they pretty much are.''

Dogma extended a hand, and immediately one of the creatures jumped straight into it, nuzzling against his palm affectionately.

''Woah that’s cute Dogma. Real cute. Fives said, half sarcastically and half stirred at how unusually adorable Dogma was being at that moment. ''I mean, I never imagined you of all people to have a soft spot for animals.'' 

Fives however threw a sudden glare at the other clone. 

''But did you really need to be so damn secretive about it? I’ve got that image of you fapping around while we’re all back at camp eating burned inside my head now. Thanks a lot man.'' 

Dogma hissed but said nothing. He poked the tiny ball of sentient fluff with a finger before he continued. 

''Well, it’s just actually embarrassing…would taint my image really, and it is against protocol to be feeding animals our rations. I’m sure the men would laugh themselves to death at me if they knew, sir.''

''Yeah well, maybe. But anyway, it seems to me like you kind of overreacted over this as usual. By the way, that means that the thing you threw away before was a packet of our rations, am I right?''

''Yes, sir.'' This time Dogma answered promptly. 

''What the hell? Why? Our stocks aren’t infinite you know!'' 

Just then one of the tiny, furry animals took the opportunity to jump onto Fives, neatly landing on his hair. It started bouncing happily on it and Fives was momentarily appreciative of the fact that someone actually liked his hair before irritably turning back to Dogma. 

''Well sir, you did kind of surprise me back there so I kinda reacted instinctively.''

''I could see tha- OUCH! Hey, tell the furball to stop that now! It hurts!''

Dogma instantly reached out to pluck the creature out of Fives’ now ruined hairdo with a firm hand, letting it instead perch on his shoulder where it continued to leap around with frantic enthusiasm, occasionally slapping itself against Dogma’s serious, frowning face. 

''You’re quite right sir, but as you can see those rations didn’t really go to waste. This ‘lil guy’s friends are eating them all up already'', he said, as he pointed over their shoulders so that Fives could look in the direction he meant. ''Those were my own so there’s no harm done, right?''

''No harm done? Dogma, we have a nine hour march ahead of us and you didn’t eat a damn thing? For the Republic’s sake, you’re not some bloody clanker. You need to eat.''

''I’m quite able to carry on the mission without eating any food, s-''

''No you’re not Dogma. This is an order and you better listen to it. Now come along. I have some spare rations you can eat quickly before we leave.''

''Sir, that wouldn’t be quite fair of me to-''

''Say goodbye to your furry friends and let’s go Dogma! Now! No arguing.'' 

''Y-Yes sir.''

Fives waited for Dogma to stand back up, which he soon did after gently plucking the creature from his armpit and placing it down back onto the ground. The animal squeaked loudly in protest, but eventually left to join its brethren in finishing up Dogma’s scattered, abandoned rations. 

Their short walk back to camp was silent as they shuffled and crunched their way through the thick vegetation beneath their feet. It was Dogma who finally spoke first as they reached Fives’ private tent. 

''Sir, may I remind you of what I said earlier? That no one needs to know about this? I would be very appreciative if you were not to-''

Fives groaned loudly as he roughly handed Dogma the food he had saved for himself for after the next mission.

''Yes I know Dogma, I know. I won’t tell a soul. Now eat up and stop being such a pain in my poor, overworked, sore ass.''

Dogma nodded once.

''Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.''

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this so much!! Aaaahhh I love every clone so much and they're so nice and interesting to write, my precious children!!!! 


End file.
